Chapter 2: Gender

Hi everyone again!

This is gonna be my second chapter and today I would like to talk about gender and what does it…or what could it mean. I believe that most of us can agree that gender can mean possibly many different things to each and one of us. In stereotypic heteroworld there are just two genders: man and woman. In such countries as for example Russia, the believes about these two genders and also the associations and expectations regarded two the each gender are pretty strict and as one might call it conservative. The man is supposed to be a man and women should look, act and have only, strictly women kind interests and manners. The point of this chapter is not to speak about Russia and all the problems and challenges that rainbow-people in Russia face (about that we can talk later on), but about believes regarding different gender and expectations about it.

In the conservative way of thinking and expressing the man should look like a man and act like a man. He may not cry (like you know…boys don´t cry…and specially not men…eh), must wear “mens”-clothes and most definitely should take care of his family and the loved ones. It is the man’s job to carry all the bags and heavy stuff, because he is a man. Woman, again, is the more vulnerable and “weak” one. It is her obligation to look nice, wear dresses, enjoy makeovers and manicure and whatever stuff like that. More than that women usually don´t drink and do all the stuff at home as well also. In conservative way of mind women must not wear boyish clothes or it will make her look like a man and that is not the way people want it to be. Even if woman has more manly style, society might obligate her to water down the manly look more into “acceptable for women”-looks. It is unsexy and unprofessional, in a way! So in conservative set of mind boys can´t wear pink and girls can´t have short hair and considered to be at the same line with boys.

So now I have a story to tell. We were looking at some book and I saw a picture of two persons sitting. I asked my friend, is it a boy or a girl in the picture. My friend answered me that does it matter. So, I began to think. Well, of course it doesn´t…in a way. And yet...yes, of course it does. In a way. In a way for me. So, let me explain my thoughts a bit more. I am a transgender. I don´t feel comfortable in my biological body. In mean, yes, I feel pretty great in my body, but that is not me. I am NOT a girl, not a woman. Mentally I am a man. I am a man and that is just the way I feel. I can´t really explain it, but I just know it. It is not that I like girls, it is not that I don´t like any “girl”-stuff, it is what it is. It is me. A man. If there are only two genders to choose from, I am definitely a man. I might say it is in overall, my thoughts, the feeling I get from wearing and buying men´s clothes and boxer, the way men are, the way penis would feel like…everything. So, and remember this is just only me talking mostly about my opinions and myself.

Let me continue further…

So, few days ago I read this story and it really touched me. It was like directly from my head or mouth except in different transition (she is MtF and I am FtM). But the thoughts are just the same.

So going back to the question my friend asked me; does it matter? Direct answer for me is “yes”. I mean that if the two genders were the same, there would not be transpeople, right? Like if man = woman, I wouldn`t want to become a man and have a penis etc (sorry for my straightforwardness). For me it does matter, if I am a man or a woman. But then again, in general, I think people should be, what they want to. What they feel like. We live only once, so you better do it right the first time and do it that way that once is enough!

I think that accepting the neutral

The text from FB, Lizzy the Lezzy page. This is what transgender might feel like and what we face.

gender- “other”- is a great thing to do. I just think it is amazing: first of all people, who don´t feel like either of genders will be freed but also, secondly, transpeople could get release as well. As the process takes a long time and transpeople don´t feel like their biological gender it would be a great thing to be able to represent “ the other” gender. Personally, I would vote two hands up for that legislation if it would come to Finland (hope that Finland will soon enough follow the example of other European countries in this matter).

I just think that people are used to categorizing other people into some kind of “boxes”. It might be some kind of historical thing, which helped people to understand and picture the world and people around them. Like sex, gender, race, religion etc…they are all categories; most of them ancient categories, which helped people to rationalize the world around them. I think it is human basic need to “put” others somewhere, and this “third gender” would be a good solution. People could still categorize but on other hand one must not stress about including themselves to “man” or “woman” box.

But as for me, I know my gender. I just have to get there #selfmademan

See you later guys…cheers!

Yours, Nicolas